January 29, 2021The Process of Round Rocks

In my office, I keep three round rocks beside the big cozy chair nestled in the corner. I find the smooth surface of a rock calming and its solidness grounding in a time when everything feels nebulous. But that’s not the only reason I have them in my office.

All throughout my childhood, my mom collected round rocks. I never understood her fascination with them, but whenever I went on vacation or to the beach, or anywhere rocks might be, I searched for them. I knew that they mattered to her. When I came back from the beach, I would unload my pockets with the rocks I had found. Through this, I discovered that round rocks—true round rocks—were quite rare.

When I asked her why she loved round rocks so much, she said, “Think of how much they go through to get that way. Rocks aren’t formed like that; it takes years and years of tumbling and bumping against things, years of water running by, and years of weathering for a rock to become round.” She liked the idea that people are like rocks, and that sometimes on our journey there are bumps and tumbles that cause pain and discomfort, but hopefully it all leads to something really beautiful in the end.

My mom’s words have stayed with me. The round rocks in my office serve as a reminder of my hope for where the students I counsel will go one day. The experiences that they share with me—the pain of a break up, a fight with a friend, all those bumps and tumbles of life—are shaping and transforming them. My job is to hold space for the pain, validate their feelings, and empathize with their experience. In addition, I also try to gently remind my students of hope; that adversity and hardships are a part of the process of shaping character, building resilience, and paving the way for transformation.

Sometimes, there are big divots and pieces that break off, and maybe it feels like moving forward is an impossible task. That’s where I believe counselling can help: it provides a place to mourn the loss, collect the pieces, and figure out what’s next. Despite what Cinderella’s fairy godmother would like us to believe, it actually takes time (and often discomfort) to navigate the bumps and weathering of transformation.

Very few that have visited my office have asked why the rocks adorn the table, but if anyone does, I’m happy share my mom’s theory on people and round rocks.

By Becca Nydr, School Counselor